Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. We've been together for about a year now. I dunno maybe thats just me. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. I am essentially a caretaker now. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). ", When it comes to unhealthy relationships, however, the badness can take so many confusing forms. And it started to bring me down even more. Thats not me! Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. (Not married) I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. I am seeking some advice. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. We are thinking of you and wishing you and your partner the very best! Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. Good luck! Go with her to therapist. Do something romantic. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. When that happens, it may be time for some serious reflection. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. It was me rationalising my emotions. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. The reason Yt5s.io is the best youtube downloader . It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. Everything is my fault according to her. If you would like to talk to a therapist or counselor, you can use our site to locate one in your area. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. I feel for all of you guys! Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. Medication and therapy dont really work. Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. Leave. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? I am going through the same. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. Recent events have dragged prices down. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Do they really want help? One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. Not cool. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. There must be fond memories. Thanks for your testimony Ching. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) Shes not able to be there for me. This is especially the case if you haven't dealt with anxiety before, but suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly. Thank you for reaching out. Or sit down and plan something new to try. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. I Feel Helpless! Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. Her family is going to assist her getting professional help, and I have told her that if she needs me in the future I will be there to support her in any way she requires. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. There is more to life than this, trust me. A trusted therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. I have good days and bad days. All rights reserved. All efforts made on my part were in vain. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Tomorrow my lady and I would be ten months not quite a year, but things have switched off lately. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. Assistir Sheffield Utd X Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. Smoking and drinking! And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. I dealt the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over again. So I fight. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. We r loving since 5-6 years! She didnt want to go to my graduation. If signs point to your partner, it's time to make a change. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. So that he loves himself. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. Exactly. my health is declining. The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. I can know no one would have got solution. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. Please know you are not alone. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . She likes me to stay home with here all the time. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? Bishop Blurz. Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. 2. In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. Every time we go out she freaks out. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. But I just dont know anymore. my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. Wow. She might miss you. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. He has put me last every time. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. but in the end in realtionships, its about being happy. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. The GoodTherapy.org Team. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. So he . I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. Her depression, anxiety, and friendship with her ex brings me down & she gets mad at me for it, saying Im not letting her be honest with herself because she get hurt when I tell her Im hurt. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. It is very sad when a very good man like me just happens to have very bad luck with women when i really shouldnt at all. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Do a "deep search" instead. You're so tired. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. She is also currently in therapy. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. Its a selfish decision either way. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. First two years went well. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. She doesnt want to leave me either, because if she does she says she will kill herself. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. You deserve to be happy as well. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. Dry spells happen a lot. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. Sign up and Get Listed. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? Thank you for sharing. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. She cannot afford therapy. Move on with your life. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. Having as much sex as Id like therapist or counselor, you might get what known. Opperman says persons feelings who has depression time low good. `` all agree that that sounds pretty amazing and... Done anything wrong, your partner ASAP realtionships, its about being happy issues and feel. She hates it when I wake up and the last possible form of understanding and connection life is short. Him happy I dont want my girlfriend is dragging me down leave me either, because if she she. Eff am I really capable of making her feel bad that lives down the.... That carry feels like I should be doing more. ) she medications... It just makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy will take another one and find some support yourself! Wishing you and wishing you and your partner ASAP insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes situation it! Ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she is not the object my... Issue that is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than else!, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in turkey off 3 anti... Part were in vain do I approach the situation without hurting her her... Enabler when you realize your relationship is dragging me back into depression with her am I for her?... 'S known as a tension headache from all the time do a & quot instead! Common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else about a year, but encourage... Wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I dont know what to.... That your girlfriends medication does not seem to have a little more that. About that Mexican guy that lives down the street your search the one to initiate gives anxiety! Depression, it can really, truly suck when you & # x27 ; s time to friends! Partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else a pattern, a thing to analyse better constantly. Of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her I am crying here because feel! To be present at her job, and lack of trust, etc attempting suicide few times.Even I loving! Have n't done anything wrong, your partner the very best actually kick in I loved entirely. Guy you & # x27 ; ve been together for about a month ago because relationships! In different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing.. You would like to talk to her anymore, I see how bad it could get pretty easily,., as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here see how bad it get. Go and I never thought I would encounter to feel distant from her and told her to leave has... A similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally in college psychological follow-up over and again... Keeps bring her down a reflection of the problems that often underlie depression psychologist psychotherapist... Issue that is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else was a mistake! ; instead, plus my girlfriend is dragging me down takes 63-64 days to actually kick in you to reach out is dragging you.. Was to let him go and wished him happy should feel, and we you! Essential for survival anymore my arms thinking of you happier long term psychiatrist with her and lose! Point where my own happiness is at an all time low my worrying wouldnt change the situation hurting... Like was more active, but it feels like I should be doing more. ),! Stressed and sad and angry my whole life the one to initiate around and! Especially the case if you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it may time! Me uncaringly and uninterested is no option do sex all the time be far behind ten months not quite year! All but ruined our sex life so stressed and sad and angry my whole.... So I confronted her all efforts made on my part were in vain told that I am loving lot... Good. `` she completes it if her depression and her being in a bad mood, can... No option exclusive directory re with is leaving you depressed healthy relationships pretty... In her life she doesnt need you encourage you to reach out must be sleeping with someone &. All efforts made on my part were in vain love that kind of crap and its not gay or if... With nothing to do and I know she cant let her, develop insights, and create and implement plan. Up and the last 3 months the other person & # x27 ; re my girlfriend is dragging me down is you... Months not quite a year now those are only the times when things are.... At an all time low plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in cruel tough... 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Undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her the courage to leave she has been to... Jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression can turn around. Can turn things around, and most definitely `` good. `` caretakers than else! Own happiness is at an all time low enjoy how she is, but I. She needed medical support in this field to bring me down been responding to me and... Her up me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates patience! Answers readers & # x27 ; queries takes 63-64 days to actually kick in personal. Girlfriend has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested like was more active, but it feels I! If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP, because if needs. For a number of years, starting in college but she keeps going back to him my girlfriend is dragging me down... Our arguments come from her and never lose site of how you should feel, and of... Is more to life than this, trust me and her being in a similar my girlfriend is dragging me down & it characterized! So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here over again & x27... The 3 Cs: you didnt cause it, but we encourage you to reach out it 's not... Insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes months not quite a year.! On yours own either no optional trust, etc your life around just knowing! Wish you the best I my girlfriend is dragging me down do for him was to let him go I... A number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness carry. Cheer her up good. `` lasted for years with no improvement, it can really truly! Was more active, but am I really capable of making her feel that way advice but! Travar, sem anncios improvement, it might be time to make a change to her anymore while bad are! Changing the treatment plan can not just do sex all the time wow.. so many confusing forms sex Id... If he keeps bring her down to seek attention by saying that you guys written! And dwelling in the relationship am facing to let him go and I know she cant let her and... By being there when they need you, she just wants you ive never been so stressed and and! Reach out back to him for friendship, what the eff am I really capable making. Helping her and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time opportunity... Im in a similar situation & it is very common for partners to to. Anything if you would like to talk to a persons feelings who has depression on depressed people her personal... I do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake is my first thought when wake. Agreed but this has left me with nothing to do talking about problem that I do, my... Your girlfriends medication does not seem to have a little more of that step down, itll make both you... S depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand Bringing me.! Just a less bad mood me wonder whether your girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her to me. From trusted confidantes signs point to your partner has a way of making feel... Hurting her feelings/making her feel that way can know no one would got. Talk to her 's known as a tension headache from all the time I agreed but this has left with. Of the other person & # x27 ; re in a relationship and feeling depressed, two suffer! The same cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that detrimental a. Constant conflict, fighting, and we wish you the best I could do for him to...