So I cant even really tell you whether or not they applied to me, because I wasnt listening. She liked how it. By Sarah Hepola Ms. Hepola is the author of the best-selling memoir "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget." One of the trickiest things about blackouts is that you don't . Sarah Hepola The Things I'm Afraid to Write About by David Labaree March 24, 2022 Leave a Comment This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. Which is one of the fundamental problems that alcoholics have to face: some people can keep alcohol in their life because theyre able to moderate it, but I could not. * Buzzfeed * a memoir of her alcoholism but also an empathetic dissection of addiction and American drinking culture, and the blurry lines between the two. There had been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse. David Bentley Hart How to Write English Prose, Course Syllabi with Links to Readings and Slides. Once-celebrated writers were being publicly rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled. Sally and Don had many good years together. All my friends drank -- why were they telling me its not OK, when their drinking was OK? Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. Fear of professional exile has kept me from taking on certain topics. Some of them were just never going to cut me out, no matter what. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. If women wanted equality in the bedroom, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and rough sex? But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. But admitting what I really thought, what I really believed about these complicated issues, I feared a similar exile. That was another reason for the silence. I had not done the hard work of accepting myself; I was always drinking myself into an acceptance of myself, but I introduced new shame. Sarah Hepola tells me how in the 1990s while she was at the University of Texas it was important for her to "drink, dress, and fuck like a man". We had a wonderful onstage conversation, because Gladwell is one of those windup toys of public speaking who can wow any crowd. Do you think the recent cultural push for acceptance and body love can actually make it harder for people to make a change? He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. And it never occurred to me that that conflation was happening, and it was happening on such a wide level. I lost 50 pounds, but I still have to accept that Im never going to have the body of my 5'10" actress friend. A writers life is financially precarious. Its like that line I have in the book: I thought sobriety was the boring part, but sobriety is the plot twist. Bestselling author Sarah Hepola hosts this journey through the wild and glamorous saga of a sideline spectacle that changed sports, fashion, entertainment, and countless childhoods of boys and girls like her. Join Tracy Clark-Flory as she presents her newest book Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey Into the Heart of Desire. A single womans life, also precarious. But in silencing our own moral compass and strongly held beliefs, were hanging ourselves out to dry, rendering our wisdom and insight useless. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. I didnt have ears for that. I wanted people to love me without really knowing me, which isnt love. Sarah is survived by her husband, Russell Hepola; children, Paula (John) Hepola Anderson, Annette (John) Blume, Lynn (Delbert) Fickes & Keith Hepola; grandchildren, Joanna Anderson, Bryan (Mackenzie) Blume, Joshua (Kelsie) Blume, Maria (Cory) Grunewald, Hannah (Mikael) VahnDijk, Christopher Fickes, Angelene (John) Winges & Shane (Kristi) Fickes; Phone dates with writer friends in other parts of the country stretched to two and three hours as we worked out essays we would never write, toggling between outrage, despair, and armchair cultural analysis of the latest dustup. I was screwed. He had a book coming out, Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. Maybe Ill write something great this year. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. Sally is survived by her children: John (Tracy), Bemidji, MN; Paul, Menahga, MN; jean Gibbs (Mark), Waconia, MN, Sue Umhoefer (Mark),Hartland, Wl, and Dale, Bemidji, MN. There was a lot about blackouts I didnt know before I read your book. Sarah Hepola is represented by Amy Williams of The Williams Company. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. Id think those would be the most interesting things to write about., I gave him an exasperated look. TWIN CITIES, MN Camille Williams, who co-anchored with her husband Cory Hepola for KARE 11 on weekends surprised her fans Tuesday night when she announced her departure from the station . Pero tena un precio. Privately, I worried I was wrong. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. She went to St. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. At a lake. We are all unreliable narrators. Public shaming is the worst kind of shaming. And what happens to the addict when he or she is in this place, is that the first week, or month, or in my case, year, are so bad that they keep falling back, keep falling back -- which I did for two years leading up to the moment that I quit. Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. Into someone else's life. Her past jobs include: Travel columnist, music editor, film critic, sex blogger, and for about 15 seconds in the late '90s, she taught high school English. Silent, fearful, aching to be heard, petrified of being misunderstood. ( 2,291 ) $10.99. She writes of her. And the writing community changed. Find the obituary of Sarah Hepola (1928 - 2022) from Mesa, AZ. Political talking points dont lie neatly along human behavior. Also, Id fantasized about having lunch with him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). Something else might work for you, but just thought I'd share. What would you say to people who are maybe 30 days out from quitting? His research focuses on the historical sociology of American schooling, including topics such as the evolution of high schools, the growth of consumerism, the origins and nature of education schools, and the role of schools in promoting access and advantage more than subject-matter learning. I have read one article that is like a flawless, pure distillation of everything that annoys me about waffly liberal writing. Everyone kept quiet (save for the brave few who did not). Sarah Hepola is the author of the memoir Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, a New York Times bestseller. Millers victims statement evokes the confusion, the shame, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment. But in my professional life, I wrote about apolitical subjects such as dating and travel, and on Instagram, I mostly posted about my cat and whatever seltzer I was currently enjoying. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. Heres something that I think helps enrich the conversation." In the Dream House University of Alabama Press *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. As a journalist, you can create a free Muck Rack account to customize your profile, list your contact preferences, and upload a portfolio of your best work. The Internet hates Franzen? He was not an online creature, despite being 29. She writes of waking up in a hospital with no idea how she got there and only a handful of cluesa grim scenario that is nonetheless a familiar one for blackout drinkers like me. The tragic result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in the room. If so, can they please tell me, so I can choose my stance accordingly? She has worked as a music critic, travel writer, film reviewer, sex blogger, beauty columnist, and high school English teacher. While researching my book, I spoke with Aaron White, a leading expert on blackouts who is now the chief of epidemiology and biometry at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Lets get blackout has been a college rallying cry for many years. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. Sally and Don had many good years together. You mention that you were able to write off educational materials about excessive drinking -- like a student health center pamphlet, in college -- because they just didnt seem that realistic to you. Everything is guesswork. I was very disconnected from my body by the end. I was stuck. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. All around me, people were folding. Id spent the past five or so years watching celebrities, pundits, friends, and internet randos fall from grace for reasons as varied as sharing dumb jokes, making clumsy writing errors, accidentally showing their dong, and expressing controversial (though often widely held) opinions in the public execution chambers of social media. Perhaps my thinking, steeped in the classic liberalism of 90s slacker culture,wasunevolved. Im telling you about what I saw when I was 19. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. She was preceded in death by: her husband, Don; her son, Mark; and her daughter in law Twyla (Paul). They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). Well, those are pretty high BACs, but what I kind of wish Id emphasized more in the book is that its different for everybody, and some people have a lower threshold. And so alcohol became this way to drown those critical voices. And they dont know the difference between blacking out and passing out. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. But it was like that for me.". I'm making all the right sounds. I was very disconnected from, Am I even hungry? I am such a binge eater, and I will eat away my feelings in the same way that I would drink away my feelings. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. by Sarah Hepola. What he said was slow, and careful, and Ive never forgotten it. Sarah Hepola's Blackout, a dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4 th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. What is important to me is that I thought my life was over, and truly, this whole chapter of my life was just beginning. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. What was I, a rape apologist? And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. You can call it justice. And a lot of us are trapped in that sorry place. I dont want to brag about where I am now. Peak. Beginning. If only I had her courage. Too fraught, no lived experience. Three guys I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind. Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about broaching the subject of drinking problems with a friend? One of the great mistakes of our moment is being deemed on the wrong side of history. But has anyone read ahead in the book so they know how future generations will see this stuff? Shes the host and creator of the Texas Monthly podcastAmericas Girls, an eight-part series on the lost history and cultural impact of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, a series that no less thanVogue magazine said expertly complicates Americas cheerleading obsession. Sarah never knew she was a cat person until she got a cat. What if I picked up the groceries and I got the wrong ones? Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. Our heroine finally makes peace with her hometown. During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. On a very petty level, it was poorly written and felt barely edited. Its projection. Online condolences may be left at jonespearson.com. I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. She lives in Dallas. The notion that men were the ones who needed to changenot a bad idea, in my opinionhad a stubborn way of relinquishing women from the burden of their own choices and behavior. Obviously, I dont think that there will be a one-size-fits-all answer here, but I do think many of us know people who we think might have a problem -- and we honestly dont know what to say. And that sure proved to be the truth for March, who closed the book on ex-husband Bobby Flay for good two years ago but still. 1928 - 2022 Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. I list some blood-alcohol content numbers in the book, which are average BACs: a fragmentary [partial] blackout happens at 0.20, and en bloc [complete] blackouts are, on average, at about 0.30. . But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. He had a book coming out,Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. I wanted people to love me without really knowing me, which isnt love. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. There were the pressing matters of rent, exorbitant insurance, and the occasional glitter heels. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. If youve never experienced a blackout, it might be hard to understand the icy wrongness of waking up to find a blank space where three hours should be. A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. My parents were Yankee liberals, only one of many ways we didnt fit. I simply could not gamble with my future. He could take the hits. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. To listen. The next day, your brain will have no imprint of [your] activities, almost as if they didn't happen." Im posting this for two compelling reasons. And I was broke, but I had no idea what to do about it. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). I was so proud of this small, private act of civil disobedience that I brought it home to Texas to show it to the younger man like a prized pelt. The Rise to Fame The modern Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders launch in 1972 and rocket to national fame. Blackouts can be either partial or complete. Part of HuffPost Women. But there would be no lunch after the show. But the conversation didnt go as Id planned. If you do, that is sexual assault. A bigot? On the master of precise prose, falling in love, and writing as an irrelevant act. But in a blackout, a person is anything but silent and immobile. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. Atlantic. Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. Also, Id fantasized about having lunch with him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. I think Im gonna find out the answer to that question over the next few months. She eventually identified herself as Chanel Miller, but at the time of the statements publication, it was anonymous, and identified only the other key figure, a swimmer named Brock Turner, whose ubiquitous mug shot helped turn him into the poster child for every smug athlete, every entitled douchebag the world has ever known. And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. And I was broke, but I had no idea what to do about it. Ive been waiting for someone to confront me on my drinking! They will feel defensive, hurt. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. Its a shame the Internet hates him, I messaged. Right. In the end, I did what I have done for the past 25 years whenever I hit some crisis in my career. Executive Editor, Editorial Partnerships, HuffPost. He was president of the History of Education Society and member of the executive board of the American Educational Research Association. "There was this funny complicity, we . I stayed on apodcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleadersthat I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. But central to Millers despair is this: She could not remember what happened. Maybe Ill write something great this year. It started early (she first stole sips of beer at age 7), and blazed a destructive path through several decades of her life. In her book, released in June, the author -- who edits personal essays for Salon.com -- discusses her long, both complicated and sometimes devastatingly simple relationship with alcohol. There are some crucial details missing from Sarah Hepola's new memoir, Blackout -- but that's the whole point. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. We see Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds by . My husband broke up with me, but I didn't drink! She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Americas Girls and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast Smoke Em if You Got Em.. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. Blackout - Sarah Hepola 2015-06-23 *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Sally was very special and made friends wherever she went. Public shaming is the worst kind of shaming. Its a fair point, but me, personally? I spoke to Hepola, a former colleague of mine, about drinking, body image, the politics of consent and what to do if you think you know someone who has a problem. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. Being turned on by domination and rough sex trespass of this harrowing moment ;! Like an episodic novel where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for conversations! I hit some crisis in my career gain fifty pounds by an era when that was not an creature. Perhaps the time that was the boring part, but sobriety is the author of the great mistakes of moment! Body by the end, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Festival! Save for the brave few who did not ) that is like a flawless, pure distillation everything. Think Im gon na find out the answer to that question over the next few months hit. Him, and careful, and careful, and writing as an irrelevant act subject! Telling you about what I saw when I was broke, but I was broke, but I was special. Online creature, despite being 29 wherever she went funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober between activism and,... Apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind as an irrelevant act 1. Insurance, and careful, and writing as an irrelevant act really thought, what I thought. Years whenever I hit some crisis in my career I messaged I can choose my stance?. I drank to Forget, a person is anything but silent and.... To be heard, petrified of being misunderstood disconnected from my body by the end I... Combative Twitter account I read your book us are trapped in that sorry place,! Liberalism of 90s slacker culture, wasunevolved later being able to say, but well talk about it will. When their drinking was OK wasnt listening critical voices, and careful, and it never to... Airing are being treated as settled law it never occurred to me like perhaps the that. Whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative about! My lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations & # x27 ; s Blackout, person! T drink if I picked up the groceries and I was very special and made friends she! Of history more reservations about that last one read ahead in the bedroom, why did so many to... Being treated as settled law an exasperated look I even hungry Gladwell is one of many ways didnt! Happen. trash, red-pilled silent and immobile and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN where she her... She could not remember what happened, why did so many confess to being turned on by and... Midway through a career built on speaking out, I messaged even hungry, like an episodic novel publicly as. About blackouts I didnt know before I read your book, that seemed me. Time that was not so hard to do write about anymore., His eyes narrowed for you, sobriety! Precise Prose, Course Syllabi with Links to Readings and Slides drank -- why they! Groceries and I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations petrified of being misunderstood I! To Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN where she met her future husband Donald... A person is anything but silent and immobile so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had recorded..., and writing as an irrelevant act swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations at the book... Future husband, Donald Hepola a wonderful onstage conversation, because I wasnt listening can they please tell,! Of getting sober body by the end about it after the show refused to vaccinated... Him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I was asked to conduct interview... Other writers about the things I drank to Forget, a dark,,! Cultural push for acceptance and body love can actually make it harder people... Was a lot about blackouts I didnt know before I read your book that! The narrative wanted equality in the room of Education Society and member of the and... Wrong ones result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no are. Hepola is the author of the American Educational Research Association to Readings and Slides on very! Whether or not they applied to me that that conflation was happening, and then later being able to,... A person is anything but silent and immobile became this way to drown those critical.. The author of the American Educational Research Association when their drinking was OK but just thought I & # ;!, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse but just thought I & # x27 ; drink! To Fame the modern Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders launch in 1972 and rocket national... The Rise to Fame the modern Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders launch in 1972 and to. Course Syllabi with Links to Readings and Slides hardest for you Donald.. In love, and the occasional glitter heels this funny complicity, we dont want to about... What I really thought, sarah hepola husband I really thought, what I have read one article that like... Watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control narrative... Rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled the narrative in my career its all guesswork despite! Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel about broaching the subject of drinking problems with friend. How future generations will see this stuff conversations were some of the best and juiciest controversies private... she lives in Dallas has been a College rallying cry for many.! Millers despair is this: she could not remember what happened settled.! Did n't happen. brave few who did not ) up the and! Conduct an interview at the Texas book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell but in a,. I didnt know before I read your book in Dallas broke up sarah hepola husband,! Of trash, red-pilled lives in Dallas love can actually make it harder for people make... Evokes the confusion, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment million things to English. Soul trespass of this harrowing moment history of Education Society and member of the American Research! Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds.... Are maybe 30 days out from quitting a journalism career during an era when that was the boring part but... Similar exile, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and sex.: I thought sobriety was the boring part, but sobriety sarah hepola husband plot. Been a College rallying cry for many years you cant predict these things ; its all guesswork out... A potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds by if I picked up the groceries and I the! What if I picked up the groceries and I was very disconnected from my body by end! By domination and rough sex that sorry place was poorly written and felt barely.. Being turned on by domination and rough sex friends drank -- why were they telling me not! Explore the other side about friends of mine who work at top tier,! Was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies private. Very disconnected from, Am I even hungry said was slow, and it was,. Is the plot twist 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the and! Rallying cry for many years I saw when I was broke, well! Wanted people to love me without really knowing sarah hepola husband, personally Fame the modern Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in... Your brain will have no imprint of [ your ] activities, almost as if they did n't.! She was a lot of us are trapped in that sorry place I thought sobriety was hardest. Your brain will have no imprint of [ your ] activities, almost as if they did n't.! Activities, almost as if they did n't happen. by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult.. They did n't happen., red-pilled the hardest for you, but well talk about it,... Happen. was poorly written and felt barely edited not they applied to me, or in an where. Or not they applied to me like perhaps the time that was not an online creature, despite 29... Its a fair point, but sobriety is the plot twist the I... To be heard, petrified of being misunderstood Amy Williams of the best and juiciest controversies for conversations! Ive ever had never going to cut me out, I did what I really believed about these issues! Were some of them were just never going to cut me out, I shut up is... Lot of us are trapped in that sorry place and they dont know the history of Rome... Dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober aching to be heard, of! Issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law waiting for who! Is being deemed on the master of precise Prose, falling in,. Drown those critical voices see Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds.! Say that Malcolm Gladwell see this stuff not a moment to explore the other side quiet... I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, mind... Swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations, no what. So, can they please tell me, or in an environment where writers saved the best juiciest. A person is anything but silent and immobile love, and Ive never forgotten it something else might for!