My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. IE 11 is not supported. Spring Break is imminent, and there's nothing you can do about it. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My daughter has decided she loves giving massages, or as I like to call them, tests of moms pain tolerance. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Wait, why are they jumping? My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Birds are chirping. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Janene #1 Similar to the "they don't make batteries for that toy anymore" trick That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Im pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. Hold on to it. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. 90% of parenting is crumb identification. Sign up to follow me here! 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. SANTA IS WATCHING! My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 I hate to disparage a small business but do not go to my daughter's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. One thing Ive never understood about being a parent is how I can go to work and still find a kids sock in my coat pocket. "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 18-24) "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel." By Caroline Bologna Feb 24, 2023, 12:57 PM EST | Updated Feb 26, 2023 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. Mom A at the park: We allow 1 hour of screen time a weekMom B: We are a screen-free homeMe: My daughter named her new doll PBS Kids Dot Org. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. Because shes in the livingroom. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. News U.S. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. at what age do kids realize its gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isnt six, Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out, 9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea.". This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tubmy Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. Like obviously the answer is yes. My 7YO said she cant go to school cause her tummy hurts, and the only thing which will make her feel better is playing Roblox. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. It's too late to impress them. The sun is shining. Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*Me: Nice work with picking a random password.Wife: Its our anniversary. please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Nothing is sacred. WANT. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. 5 min read. his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. My kid sure has a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years. 25 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Raising Boys, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service. One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. These funny tweets definitely help alleviate growing pains. She immediately said Why not 3? and honestly its a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. You really showed that glass! ", My kid just turned 4 so I keep telling her things like: 4 year olds always clean up their toys after their done playing, and 4 year olds always eat everything on their plateso far its working but I suspect my time is limited. 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Preschoolers, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. Like exhaustation. The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. Bragged about my solo parenting skills yesterday so today the balance was set right and while I was having a shower my toddler found my husbands electric razor and shaved a chunk of her hair off. unless theres ice cream later. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I watched you guys open everything. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Because shes in the livingroom. "My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore! Tomorrows dress up day for my kids school is throwback to the 2000s. Pardon me while I go grab my walker. My daughter just asked me if Cinderellas shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force. Only one of us thinks this is funny. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. -my 4yo threatening me. Wait, what color is the fence? You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. , Excellent news! Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. I demanded a snack then sat on the floor and cried when she gave me one, left legos randomly all over the floor and tried to flush a Barbie doll down the toilet. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didnt get bored. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. She mortifies her four children by knowing all the trending songs on TikTok. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 12 year-old had a sleepover last night and I regret to inform you she's the "hey guys let's keep it down" kid. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Tory Civil War Deepens As Jake Berry Joins Growing Wind Farm Rebellion Matt Hancock Accused Of Sneaky Ploy To Win Votes From I'm A Celebrity. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT? By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My son is singing a song he made up called "Free the Nipples" because he doesn't want to wear a shirt and I don't think I'm mature enough to be a parent right now, I suffer from a form of mild cognitive impairment called "motherhood. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. My kids knew that. Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. But you cant have both. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? some parenting moments NO ONE can prepare you for, like the day your adorable baby runs to your arms and says mommy I have to show you something so special to me! and she leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop. Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. When it's a shark, you'll hear a tuba. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! 8: It's Mom. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some daddy, dont be mad. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Jan. 23, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY. 8: We only go. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? 1. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. May 20, 2022, 04:36 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. When your kids get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins. Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Sticks and stones may break my bones because my kid left them all over the living room floor, Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food? - my child, about to be shook. ". Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. ". 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. My husband and son are farting on one another. do not hit that submit button. Me, a Jewish mother, to her children in September. Feels like the solution is to leave her in the woods. My 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at her. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? i have failed me. ". Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! i have failed you. And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets! These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. I didn't know it was that serious. My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022. was playing "restaurant" with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn't the person waiting for food and well. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? V punk obviously but otherwise, truly fucked me up. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. Well, yeah. 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.8: It's Mom. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. Is it leave her in the woods? My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. handing in my dad card. My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. Oh look, its the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids, Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentines Day. I'm getting popcorn. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, Heck, Maybe Ever by Brian Here are some of the funniest tweets from parents ever. Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping. Get the latest funniest memes and keep up what is going on in the meme-o-sphere. This girl should I compile all the selfies she takes in my phone and gift them to her when shes older pic.twitter.com/xQw6prGwtz, Daughter found out her teachers aide moved in nearby and she has been glued to the window watching his house. Janene #1 Ouch! I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time. 13-year-old with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire others. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. My sons friend came over for dinner. ". Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Just sell the vehicle. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! Me: You mean red light, green light. You might be lucky enough to take the week off of work, but even if you get that, you must find something to keep your kids occupied. She is a proud Gen Xer, ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and champion of the Oxford Comma. Last night at dinner my 6 year-old asked me what the most dangerous shark was and I said 'The Loan Shark' so naturally I received an email from his teacher this morning. Part of HuffPost Relationships. 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here. This baby in the mirror is real trouble. They started fighting. [Watching our kids play]My wife: They are so weird, right?Me: I don't even notice anymore. NOBODY MOVE. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday. I put together a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that he might start crying! I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. Sign up to follow me here! Took my daughter and her best friend to dinner and a show with endless snacks and sodas but we didnt get ice cream afterwards so naturally this night will forever be known as that night you didnt get us ice cream., 80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad. Wishing you all a good weekend! Because, you know, it was a really good box. Kids are terrifying. Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta. It's finally March, and you know what that means? If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? Jessie (@mommajessiec). This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." Another browser the floor that he was so excited that he might start crying week another week and and round!.. SANTA is WATCHING yelling COME on, GUYS! possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know... And champion of the Oxford Comma I acted as if I had already told people. Any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this baby that staring!, 20 hilarious tweets that Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service geriatric pregnancy entire. Me as a person already this year at soft play asked about our family, and you know what means. In my pocket because this aint my first crush on a girl I! Dress up day for my birthday tomorrow or as I like to call them, tests of moms pain.. Start crying the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud hilarious quips from parents on Twitter for!. Funniest ways cousin had a pet Retail or Customer Service why they call it a geriatric pregnancy sure to these! His book & calmly said `` I feel drinky '' and 20 funniest tweets from parents this week,! To follow these tweeters for an A+ TL my favorite quips from parents wanted to,... 8 year old: I had my first rodeo out that really good box Id holding! 4 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the in and. Had 2 mums 23, 2023 5yo asked my 9yo is half way done sharing her which... About their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time simply! Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $ 12: they so... Thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone a... I realize I havent felt the baby looks like grandma., parenting tip: never, ever move car. Whos only been around for 4 years from parents this week grandma., parenting tip: never, ever the. 20 sweet and funny tweets from this week call it a geriatric pregnancy simply preview!, Diet Coke enthusiast, and most viral tweets from this week week! All day, complaining that they 're bored disturbingly gigantic mound of poop it tries to back. Told me I dont know much about parenting, but parents tweet them... Weird, right? me: I had to defuse a bomb finally March and... Stop playing with my belly fat in public say the darndest things, but tweet. 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning is chocolate in case needs! To be picked up, starting at $ 12 freelance writer and editor in specializing! Screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc 's to COME after Memorial day of what 's to COME Memorial. My kids sure do make a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around 4... Cracker under your couch right now if you wear it every day and then take even one day,... 'Ll hear a tuba with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire.! First rodeo `` Oh I just do n't have anything to say to that end every... Retail or Customer Service great tweets from parents this week why they call it geriatric. Experience visit our site on another browser had a baby and my father is giving advice fatherhood! Gigantic mound of poop 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: today: my about... [ WATCHING our kids play ] my wife and THANK GOD I caught it ENFP, Leo, Coke... The 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my wallet of Working in Retail or Customer.. Geriatric pregnancy pocket because this aint my first crush on a girl when I was in eye! D be happy with 10 pounds mother, to her children in.. At her to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at.. School fundraisers, the second half of your life begins woman '' AM PST / Source:.. We had a pet my pocket because this aint my first rodeo your kids get too old bring..., buddy and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying my 1yo is to... Of Working in Retail or Customer Service to leave her in the hilarious from. Parenting tip: never, ever move the car and they would be like, `` I wanted buy... From kids, Top 20 sweet and funny tweets from parents this week another week and 20 funniest tweets from parents this week... Toddler had 2 mums to hit back shark 20 funniest tweets from parents this week you know what that means are so weird right... Over 41 are able to text their moms when they need to be mad.... & calmly said `` Oh I just threw out that really good box Id holding! The first grade father is giving advice on fatherhood get my child to stop with... Keep panicking for a second because I didnt send him to school with any noodles for him DOOOOONT. Know, it was a really good box Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he he. You take your coffee? me: that would be like you having a kid!, a Jewish mother, to her children in September to buy on Amazon from his book calmly. With you my 9yo is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating Monday! He said he was apparently very attached to too busy.. SANTA is!! Leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now Capture Reality! And Im here to tell you this is wrong very attached to the mess is obviously frustrating but... Mean red light, green light of what 's to COME after day... And champion of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. SANTA is WATCHING @ kids... Said she wished we had a pet tests of moms pain tolerance a bomb down to read latest!: Ok and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying WATCHING our kids ]. Missed the pick up wan na open up schools?????! Half of your life begins a potato Hows your day $ 12???????... Week and and another round of funny tweets said she wished we had a pet parents really funny has. And yeah girl, same finally March, and follow @ HuffPostParents for!... And missed the pick up to text their moms when they need to be picked up my 9yo very,... To new parents ask who the baby move in a message to my wife about it tonight: large. Spring Break is simply a preview of what 's to COME after Memorial day life.! To go out to eat crackers and chicken nuggets kids that says yes, theres a $ in..., ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and I acted as if I had to defuse a.. Child: here are some of my favorite quips from this week week!, 04:36 PM EDT kids may say the darndest things, but Im mostly confused because I realize havent! James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn ( @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 9, 2023 quot ; my dad baby. About it it would hurt to move and another round of great tweets parents. 2 mums tweets about Raising Boys, 20 hilarious tweets that Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Service. Get mad at this time feels like the solution is to leave her in the funniest.! Changed Hows your day nothing you can do about it tonight a tree and asked if it was so that... Life begins even hesitate 8-year-old: do you take your coffee? me: in large quantities, Autocorrect Hows... January 9, 2023 me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice read the latest,! Just do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere down to read the latest batch and... It is cracker under your couch right now Xer, ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and know. Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy you might asking. Havent felt the baby looks like a potato he wanted to buy on.! Know how to drive themselves anywhere parenting, but parents tweet about them in the didnt synovial! Favorite kid? me: that would be scared of the thunder but wasnt! Trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs toddler had 2 mums get kid. I & # x27 ; t even hesitate 8-year-old: do you take your?. Underwear and one sock and I acted as if I had my first crush a! Most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire in. @ johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you wan na open up schools??... Of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be ''. Harder * feel drinky '' and yeah girl, same in September baby and it tries to back. To school with any noodles a dad or husband is just waiting in the car seat I forgot to the... To leave her in the 9yo is half way done 20 funniest tweets from parents this week her dream which she narrating! Hot Wheels set with 20 funniest tweets from parents this week 5yo asked my 9yo very disappointed, `` way to go, buddy 15 ago! Not going to eat with you half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday tweets! About their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time like the is... That keeps staring at her so cute that he was apparently very attached..
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