Make sure that the timing is convenient for both of you. I had to pay out of pocket to see a naturopathic doctor trained by ILADS(it is the best training for Lyme disease and tick borne infections treatment.) Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58. Well, this time, I was calm, I got out of the car and changed my mind but he told me to get back in. The reception was held at a house, in he back yard. He might show it in other ways. All you have to do is open your stupid mouth and explain the situation to them. (pleasantly though, I LOVE MY DAUGHTER, and am glad she was born) My example is though, that people really DON'T want long term consequences for their actions, and in today's world, excuses and denials are what so many folks use to get "out of" having to live with the results of their own actions. But he is not a cuddler anymore, the disconnect began with him coming to bed when HE wanted, snoring me out onto the couch and I was the one suffering with stress induced body pain and lethargy. But still had to call SO to bring me a pair of shorts because the doctor was afraid my pants wouldn't be able to come off around the knee-high wrappings; SO was impatient on the phone, frustrated and impatient at the clinic, and upset about having their evening ruined after a long day. We've never broached this subject before and I'm worried about it ending up in a fight. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. I'm feeling better now! If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. I finally was able to keep the water and pills down but my fever only went down to something like 101 if I remember it? His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. Otherwise she knows that I will go down and get whatever I want. Its pretty normalized at the point. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. I have no compassion in my heart for this and I have no means to find it or excuse this as anything more than totally Fucked Up Shit!!! He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. And I also have to include.I have a very low toleranceto this kind of behavior!! You never falter. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? And we would just keep saying hurtful things to each other. But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. And, to feel loved in return, you need to be sexual with each other. Of course, the more the therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what he already knew. Who in their crazy mind would love to feel as the second best on someones life; throwing you with nothing but crumbs, and competing for their attention and love. I got a friend to help, the truck, got a place to go, separated the bills (still paid his cell and medical in case he went to therapy), wrote a letter and tired to live with him without acknowledging his last tantrum, my pain and still having sex and accepting his hugs and sucking up to me and trying not to cave or vomit. I guess its just a character flaw of his! We have no savings, no retirement, and if we sell our house, (which is only 12 years old) it's going to need a ton of work/money to get it sellable. The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. He hates the snow. There is a lot going on in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward attention to keep going. But that's not what will happen if you marry a man with kids, and he'll pull the "but my kids" trump card on you all the time in BS waysto justify his own selfishness. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. My Mother in law said to my husband :" You should help her, she is going to fall". No one else using anything, no one using electricity, or water, or foodnothing. After my surgeries, I couldn't do ANYTHING. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. I really appreciate your insight. OP, assuming you guys have been married for a long time, possibly for more than five years and your work is what gets u sick and hurt regularly, I'm guessing she was not always like this. I think that it's true. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else. Thanks, man. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. This is daunting to say the least. A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. not good. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. I had to step down onto the patio from the back door. OMG. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. Its good to have a healthy balance. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. Yes, the victim mentality and what you said is so true. When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. He/she is merciless. She has previously worked as Foster Family Agency Social Worker with foster children and in private practice. I feel like with every post, I am reading about myself. This is the response of a person who lives in the present. There's definitely a disconnect. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. out of the basement and towards you) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed. Well, then, I say. I don't think there is a way to forgive things like this. Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. Afraid to love again, after such severe betrayal of trust and severe consequences from crazy making behaviors. I had pre-marital sex before my first marriage and was pregnant when I got married. When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. You can find even more stories on our Home page. Kathy woke-up startled to hear her phone ring so at 5 am. This is the extent of OUR now/not now difference when it comes to love. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. I hear you, I cant count the number of times my husband made it very clear that myillness was a hughinconvenience for him there was no thought to how it made me feel. I gotvery sick from what I ate. He had the flu last year and I took care of him. ", Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 14:29, Disconnection issues for those with ADHD come from a multitude of places. But if I need or expect something maybe not so much because it wont register as now/love but as someone upset whether the upsetedness is valid or not. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. She says take medicine or go to doctor. Wise1. Out of character. Here is another way to think about it. When someone is sick or injured.I'm first respondentjust so you know? Communicate to your wife how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her. Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. He used me to "get love for himself", knowinghe wouldn't ever GIVE the same amount back, or even similar. My ex didn't have ADHD. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. I hope he gets the help he needs! When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. Does she get sick often?Wondering how sympathy for each other is usually when one of you is sick. I was loving, generous, worked hard, tried to say things in kinder ways as to not hurt his feelings, tried many, many things to connect, or just spend some time with him. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. When you are sick you deserve to have someone that does the things that show they care about your health and well being. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. Press J to jump to the feed. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Do you think you can suggest implementing some of those changes without it dissolving into a fight? I think it is mostly that I hate to ask people to do things/get things for me. She was probably raised in a household without empathy for sick people. It s supposed to make me feel better because it s not just me. He finally, after our friends begged him to get therapy so he wouldn't lose a good woman, said he would go. As hard as it was to be like, "Fuck, I have cancer," it was kind of even harder to come to terms with being such a useless pile of constant need. The behavior, not the label, is what matters. Best Sex Positions to Improve Your Sex Life. Every ER visit, every hospitalization, every important doctor visit, you are there. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. WebA major medical diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. They will always be more important than you. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. When a spouse is seriously ill, Bocchiere His kids are always going to come before you. You know, a "special" love. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. Anyway. He shoved my face in my decision and said I was wrong and did say he was hard to live with but not enough to leave. My son was also diagnosed with an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a very low count. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? I agree his kids should come first. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. Do you always expect your wife to cook everything? I feel a burden lifted off of me, especially after looking at my 27 years of marriage and realizing I am severely co-dependant. Female here sick and tired of whiny twats like you. So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. My husband is such a baby when hes sick is a huge cliche in marriage in the media. You love me. Remind her of how bad you feel and how much you'd appreciate her help while you recover. When he is having a great day, like this past Saturday, my efforts were worth it but I won't pretend that he is fixed. So Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. Like so many of the other posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very therapeutic. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. He forgot the anniversary and then gave me roses and a card and said that when I left him, all his ideas for our 25th went in the garbage. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. Any time I am not at 100% to run the household, restock the coffee, cook meals, put the kids to bed, do the laundry, etc. And vice versa. 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